Expecting a Shock
by QueenOfTheYaoi
Summary: Italy's acting freaky. Germany has no idea what the hell is going on. GermanyX N.Italy yaoi in future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

A key turned in its lock and the door to Italy's house opened. A tired Germany came inside and closed the door behind him.

"Hello? Italy? I'm home! Where are you?" Germany called.

"In the kitchen!" Italy answered.

Just then, Germany noticed an odd smell. Like something was burning.. His eyes went wide as he grabbed the fire extinguisher and jolted to the kitchen, nearly smacking into the cooking man. Italy put his arms up in front of him.

"Whoa, whoa! Where's the fire? Literally?" Italy pointed to Germany's legs, the fire extinguisher in his hands, and back to his legs a few times. Germany blushed and rubbed the back of his head.

"Uhh….In the oven?" he laughed a little. Italy rolled his eyes.

"Well I came home and I smelled a weird smell….I thought you might have set the kitchen on fire….again…" Italy blushed.

"One time! ONE TIME that happened!! Besides, Im getting better!" Italy, now slightly ticked off, pulled down the oven door. "See? It's blackened chicken. Its supposed to smell like that." I think… he added under his breath.

"Wow. No pasta. Whats the occasion?"

"You forgot? You're so mean, you meanie!" The brunette stuck out his tounge, which reminded Germany of when he first met him, back in second grade. The blonde man laughed.

"I remember, I remember. Our annivarsary. How could I forget?" Germany stared at his lover's tongue, still poking out of his mouth. It would be very easy to just stick his own tongue into the shorter man's mouth. Of course height would be an issue…

"You do, of course, realize that you still have your tongue sticking out, right?"

"uh huh." Italy mumbled, tongue still out.

"And you realize that without your own tongue in it, your mouth is empty, right?"

"uh huh"

"And you realize that you're an idiot for not figuring out what I'm implying, right?

"uh huh…wait, what?! I can't…believe…" Italy pulled his tongue back into his mouth and sounded like he was about to cry.

"After 6 months, you can't believe that I want to kiss you?" Germany watched, confused as hell, as tears streamed down Italy's cheeks.

"I cant believe….you just called me an idiot!" All of his sadness was gone, replaced by fury that would even make Russia cringe. Germany ran, possibly for his life, with a pissed off Italy in tow.

I knew I should have bought those tranquilizer darts… Germany thought. Less than a minute later, Germany was cornered in their study.

"Why the hell would you say that?!"

"Why the hell would you cahse me for saying that!?"

"Apologize, bitch!" Italy picked up the computer monitor beside him and held it above his head. Germany was actually scared. Oh my god, this is not Italy…and when the hell did he get so strong?! he thought.

For a few seconds, Germany thought he was dead meat at the hands of his gay boyfriend. Italy lifted the poor, innocent monitor back, as if he was going to throw it.


	2. Chapter 2

Germany flinched as Italy pulled back the monitor, as if he was going to throw it. He did throw it. It landed a foot away from Germany with a loud crash. The blonde sighed deeply as he realized his life hadn't been ended by a hunk of abused machinery. He looked at the crumpled monitor next to him.

"Well, that's gonna void the warranty just a bit…" He looked back to Italy. He was walking towards him with a sly smile on his face. When he got there, he grabbed the taller man's collar and pushed him against the wall.

"Kiss me." He whispered.

"Bout time." Germany laughed. Italy flinched a little as the older man's tongue licked his upper lip, then lower, then the crease where they met. He quickly stuck his tongue into Italy's mouth, taking the chance to explore every part. Germany's tongue slid around in Italy's mouth, first from his cheeks, to teeth, to roof, and finally to his tongue, making Italy stifle a moan. To Germany's surprise, Italy's toungue started twisting around his own. After 3 minutes of spit swapping, Germany gave up. He needed air. He gasped and looked up, letting his head rest against the wall.

"Well, that was different" he panted. "How'd you get so good?" He looked down at his partner. The young man was grinning, ear to ear.

"I had a good teacher" Italy winked and merilly skipped to finish his dinner.

"…What the hell just happened?" He said to himself.

15 minutes later, Italy's dinner was done. Germany, being Germany, had already cleared half his plate. Italy, being in weirdness mode, was on his second helping.

"I did get you a present, y'know." Germany mumbled, mouth full.

"Hm?" Italy said through a mouth fuller than Germany's. "Where is it?

"In the back yard." In that instant, italy swallowed has food, pushed away from the table, and ran out the door, only to trip and fall on his face in the living room. Germany sighed and went to help the brunette up. He picked up Italy by the belt and helped him get his feet on the ground.

"Hey! That hurt!" studdered one embarassed Italy.

"Ok then, next time I'll leave you there. Let's go, Mr. Impatient." Germany walked to the back yard, Italy following. Italy stood in shock as he looked at his gift.

"A Moped?! You got me a Moped?!" Italy pounced on his partner. "Thankyou thankyou thankyou!"

"Your welcome. Here's the key. Why don't you look in the trunk?" Germany pointed to the trunk's key on the keychain. Italy walked to the trunk, opened it, and went bright red. The was a large bottle of thick blue gel.

"Lube?!" Italy stumbled back, only to be caught by the bigger man. He looked up. Germany waggled his eyebrows. Italy grabbed the bottle of lube, staring curiously.

"……Race you there?"

"winner's on top?

"Uh huh"

"Ok then. ReadysetGO!!" Germany ran away at full speed.

"Hey, no fair!!!" Italy ran after his lover, knowing all too well he already lost.


	3. Chapter 3

Night was falling as Germany and Italy ran to their bedroom. Germany was first to get there, belly flopping onto the king sized bed.

"Hahaha! I win! I'm on top!" Germany bragged. He flipped onto his back just in time to see Italy preparing to jump on top of him.

"Oh shi…" Germany couldn't say anything else. Italy's stomach was over his face.

"Well, that was fun."

"mmmpfff!!!??" Germany grumbled.

"Oh yeah. Oops." Italy rolled over and accidentally off the bed. Germany gasped.

"That hurt…hey, have you gotten heavier?" Germany asked.

"What was that?" Italy glared at the man on the bed.

"yipe…N-nothing Italy dear…"

"Yeah, that's what I thought, Germany." Italy picked up the bottle of blue goo. "Are you sure this is lube?" Italy opened the bottle and sniffed it.

"It should be" Germany leaned over and smelled the bottle. "Oh, wait. I was wrong. It's my shampoo…" Germany blushed and tried to laugh it off.

"Shampoo? Fine then. Have it back!" Suddenly Italy opened the bottle and poured the whole thing on Germany's head.

"Gyah!! My eyes!!" Germany ran to the bathroom and rinsed out the shampoo. "…What in hell was that for?"

"Oopsie, was that me?"

"Grr…" Just then, Germany jumped back in bed, picked up one of the giant fluffy pillows and threw it square in Italy's face.

"Gwah?!" Italy fell backwards off the bed. Germany waited a minute. Italy stayed down.

"…Italy?" Germany peered over the side of the bed, just in time to have Italy uppercut him it the chin.

"Uh huh, Uh huh, you like it? Eat that Bee-atch!!" Italy put up his fists.

"Ok then, What in hell was THAT for?!" Germany's nose was bleeding. He raised one eyebrow.

"I dunno. Boredom?"

"What?! That's a horrible reason to punch someone! Look at my face!"

Italy shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "It's an improvement!" He laughed at his own corny joke.

"Why you little…gimme one good reason I shouldn't smother you with a pillow."

"Jail time."

"Ok, you know what, smart ass? No sex for you! Now go to sleep!!"

"Aww…I wanted some fun…the lube excited me…just look." Italy pulled his pants down. Germany stared at the smaller man's obvious erection and blushed crimson red as he realized he was also hard.

"I-it doesn't matter. Now go to sleep." Italy sighed.

"You go to sleep first."

"Fine" Germany closed his eyes and drifted off to…wherever it is little Germanies go, instantly. The last thing he saw was Italy walking to the bathroom to finish himself off before bedtime.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Germany had a big headache. Italy wasn't next to him. He guessed he was at work already. Germany was off today but he had no idea what to do. Then he remembered that Japan also had the day off. He ran to the phone and punched in Japan's house number. While it was ringing, Germany glanced at the clock. It was 10:00. How the hell could that be? It was really late for him. As he curiously pondered if he had a hangover, a familiar voice broke through the ringing.

"Hello?" Germany recognized Japan's voice right away.

"Hi Japan. It's Germany."

"Oh, hello Germany-kun. What's up? It's very odd of you to use a phone. You normally just show up somewhere. Perhaps you want to do the phone sex? That's-" Germany cut him off right after that, feeling his face get red.

"Japan, if I was with you right now, you'd be dead on the floor. I just wanted to check something. You have off today right? Why don't we go get some coffee?"

"Really? Sure, that's fine, but shouldn't you be with Italy-kun?"

"It's a long story. I'll tell you at the café. So, let's say noonish?"

"Perfect. See you then. Bye Germany-kun.

"Bye Japan." Germany hung up the phone. Oh god, how am I gonna explain this to him? And Italy might just kill me…was all he could think. By the time the call was over, it was 10:30. He decided to take a shower. He ran up to his room and then to the bathroom, slipping on the bar of soap Italy had left out.

"Grr… stupid soap…" He then got in and turned on the hot water. Bu the time he was done with the shower, breakfast, wrapping his soap induced wrist injury, and getting dressed, it was 11:45. Time to go and see Japan. He jumped into his tank and arrived at the café at 12:10. Japan was already there, waving to him to come sit down. He parked his tank and ran to his friend, giving him a quick hug, and then to his seat.

"Ok Germany-kun, what's wrong with Italy-kun?"

"he's acting very odd. Like Spain, when he experimented with rolling crack, pot, and dope in one smoke." Germany and Japan simultaneously shuddered, remembering Spain's bit of cursing, kissing, and streaking.

"…Is that even possible?"

"…Yeah you're right. But he's still acting weird! He has these really random, severe mood swings. Plus, he's eating more than I do now. And, although he almost killed me for saying so, he's kind of getting fat…"

"Hmm…" Just then, Japan saw Russia walking by.

"Hi Russia-kun!" Russia turned, waved, and ran to their small table.

"Hey Germany, Japan. What's up?"

"Germany-kun had the day off and didn't know what to do with it, so we came here. How're you? How's Canada?" The scarved man smiled at the mention of his lover's name.

"It's good that you brought him up. I have good news. Canada's pregnant! I'm gonna be a daddy!" Russia was happier than the day he got to give America his birthday punches. "It's really a pain though. Canada's really different now. He nearly ate the entire pantry in one day. And he's not his totally sweet self. He has freaky random mood swings. He's getting bigger now too. He looks weird when he's fat."

"…Um…Russia?" Germany said, honest concern in his voice. "Is America ok with all this?"

"What do you mean? Of course he's……Oh shit…" America had spontaneously appeared from out of no where and was running at full speed towards Russia.

"You Bastard!!!!!!!!!" America yelled, obviously pissed off. He was about 3 blocks away.

"oh double shit…I should probably run now, shouldn't I?"

"Yeah, sort of." Germany said.

"Definitely." Japan agreed, nodding.

"Russiaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!" America was closer now. Only a block away.

"Oh triple shit. Bye guys." Then Russia darted away, a pissed off idiot on his tail. "Gyaaaaaahhhh! Go awaaaayyy!!"

"Not until you're dead!!!!" America screamed.

"Ok then…wait a minute. Did you hear what he said about Canada-kun and his pregnancy symptoms?"

"Uh huh. So?"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"…Russia's gonna die?"

"No. Well yes, but not the point." Germany thought hard.

"…Then I got nothing."

"Germany-kun, have you taken a stupid pill today?"

"…Maybe."

"Geez…You're on your own, Germany-kun." Japan said his goodbyes and left for home, leaving Germany there, confused.

"Was it something I said?"


	5. Chapter 5

It was a week after Germany had gone out for coffee with Japan and since he found out that Russia's mate was expecting. After a quick overview, abruptly cut short by one pissed America, of Canada's personality and behavioral 180's, Japan had figured Italy was pregnant, but left Germany to figure it out for himself after his hints hadn't penetrated Germany's thick skull. Now he was just as confused as ever. Today they were both home. Germany had locked himself in their bedroom so he could think without having a death cloud over his head. But of course, Italy could just break down the door…even the thought made Germany shiver. He jumped straight off the bed when there was a knock on the door. A weary Italy had unlocked the door and was peering inside.

"Um…Germany?"

"Geez Italy, you ever heard of knocking?!" Then he turned red. He had said that out of instinct.

"But I did knock! I just wanted to say sorry for trying to kill you…twice… Am I forgiven?"

"I'll think about it…" Germany glared at Italy. Italy pouted.

"Will this speed up the process?" Italy walked to Germany's side and planted a long kiss square on his lips.

"Nice, but you'll need a better bribe than that." Germany was still glaring at his short companion. Italy sighed in defeat. Then he perked up again.

"Will sex help?"

"No, it wont…wait, what?" Italy was mischievously grinning now.

"You heard me."

"…You can try." Germany was smiling a weird crooked half-smile. He pushed Italy on the bed and forced all his clothes off, eagerly throwing his own off as well.

"Gee, I had almost forgotten how beautiful you looked under all that army gear, Germany."

"Right." Germany was on top of the smaller man now. He liked pleasuring Italy. Probably because in his case there were plenty of spots to pleasure him at. He loved making Italy moan in desire. Make him desperate, almost. That made everything better when he gave him what he wanted.

"Lets see. Where to start. How about all at once today?"

"Hm?" Having everything done to him at once was something new to Italy. But he liked the sound of it. Germany pulled Italy off the bed and set him on all fours. Then he walked up behind him, but not to do what you would think. Instead, he reached over his back to tug at his curl, making Italy moan out loud.

"Well, well. Can't hold your own?"

"ngh…Shut up and keep going."

"If you say so." Germany kept playing with his curl, twisting it around his fingers and yanking it, uncurling it and running his tongue along it. His unoccupied hand was moving over the small of his back, caressing him, until it came to rest on his cock.

"Nyah…" Italy was already close to breaking.

"shh…hold on, or ill stop." The erotic blonde started squeezing and pumping the cock in his hand, making Italy moan deeply. Harder and faster by the second, Germany was testing just how far he could push him before Italy came. Still pumping, Germany took the hand that was jiggling his curl, licked the first digit, and swiped it through his crack, making Italy jump a little.

"What's this? You liked that? Maybe you'll like it better with something bigger." Germany grabbed his own cock and started swiping it in the same way. Slowly at first, then quicker. Italy was getting impatient.

"G-Germany…you know…what I want…" Italy was panting now. He reached behind him, grabbed Germany's member, and positioned it directly over his opening. "N-Now do it…I can take it…"

"Have it your way. Deep breath, love." Faster than Italy could inhale, Germany thrust his rock hard cock into his lover, making him wince in pain. "hmm. No tears? Impressive." Again and again he thrust into his lover. Italy arched his back and yelled in pain and pleasure.

"Germany-Ngh…I'm…Really close-aah…"

"Hold it. I want to taste you…" Germany pulled out of Italy, surprised he hadn't came yet. Still on the floor, Germany pushed Italy down and flipped him over. Then he put his cock in his mouth. Almost instantly, a stream of white hot fluid jetted into his throat, shocking him and throwing him back. Italy climbed over to his legs.

"Ahhhh! G-germany? I'm sorry! Are you ok?!"

"Better. That was fun."

"yeah it sort of was…"

"but I haven't cum yet. Do you want to taste me?"

"…heheheh." Italy was now sucking hard on Germany's member.

"nyagh!!" Germany came in Italy's mouth, throwing him back.

"so how do I taste?" Italy didn't answer.

"Italy?" Germany climbed over to Italy's side. He heard snoring. Italy had fallen asleep.

"dwah?!" Germany sighed. Italy was a heavy sleeper. AND not a morning person. Since he values his life, he didn't try to wake him up. He patted Italy's head.

"Oh well. At least he had fun…hm?" Germany looked at italy's stomach. He was still getting fat. He put his other hand on Italy's stomach, surprised by how hard it was. Just then, something nudged his hand, from INSIDE Italy's body. And then, in one super huge lightbulb moment, Germany realized what was going on.

"Oh my god…Italy's pregnant…" Germany fainted.


	6. Chapter 6

It was almost 9:00 am and Germany was about to wake up from his child filled nightmares.

"n-no…he's no-not…he can't be…" Germany was tossing and talking like that for a full minute before waking up. "GYAAAAAA-Ack!" Germany's screams of terror were cut short by a fist to the top of his head.

"Shaddup! Some people are still sleepy!" Germany rubbed his aching head.

"I would be one of those people! You didn't have to hit me!" Italy shrugged his shoulders.

"You wouldn't shut up any other way." Germany face palmed himself.

"Well, we're awake now. Want breakfast?" Italy's face perked up automatically.

"Yup! What's gonna be cooking, not so good looking?" Germany glared at his lover. "That depends on what you want. Whatever it is, I think you've earned some poison in it…" Italy pulled a machete out of nowhere and held it to Germany's throat.

"What was that?" Germany swallowed hard.

"Just my lame attempt at a joke…haha…please don't kill me…" Italy sheathed the machete and threw it out the window.

"Thought so" Germany and Italy stood up and walked to the kitchen. Italy sat at the table as Germany took his place in front of the oven.

"So, what do you want?" Italy thought for a moment.

"Pancakes."

"Ok then, I'll just-"

"With bacon." Italy interrupted.

"…Ok, I'll put out a-"

"And Spam, with a bit of cream chipped beef over toast." Italy stopped and thought again. "With chocolate milk, extra dark!" Germany waited a minute before speaking again.

"Are you done now?"

"…That should just about cover it." Italy smiled. "Until lunch" he added under his breath. The only reason Italy was getting this meal was because they both had off today. It was the perfect time to ask about his assumption to Italy's "condition".

"When all this is done, I need to talk to you."

"Kay." The food took an hour and a half to cook, but only a half hour to eat. When they were done, Germany put the plates in the sink and all but dragged Italy to their bedroom. He sat Italy on the bed, pulled a chair up right across from him, and sat down. Now all he had to do was figure out why the hell he had done this in the first place. It was an impulse, for the most part, totally random. And now he was starting to regret having a brain.

"I have big news for you, Italy."

"Big news? You? Can I try and guess?"

"…Go ahead." Italy smiled and thought for a bit.

"…someone finally murdered Russia?" Germany sighed and smiled.

"It's a possibility, but not yet, as far as I know."

"…Poland came out of the closet?" Germany laughed.

"He doesn't have to. We all know already."

"…You're getting plastic surgery to fix your face?" Germany's eyes went wide with shock and murderous rage. 'Easy Germany, Easy…Remember your anger management classes…' Germany thought.

"And what pray tell, is wrong with my face?"

"I think listing what isn't is easier. Can I do that instead?" At that moment, Germany's anger management classes flew right out the window.

"Grr…WELL THIS IS THE FACE OF THE MAN WHO KNOCKED YOU UP!!!!!!!" Germany took a deep breath. "You're pregnant." The brunette stared at his partner.

"Oh…I thought you said you had big news for me, daitsu."

"That's not big news?!"

"Nope. Because I knew already." Germany nearly fell off his chair.

"You KNEW already?!?!?!"

"That's what I said."

"Why in hell didn't you tell me?! I was worried about you!!"

"Well you didn't ask. We done now?" Germany was speechless. He nodded, and Italy skipped back downstairs with a smile that screamed 'self satisfaction'. This time Germany fell off the chair for real and curled up into a ball on the floor.


	7. Chapter 7

Germany knew what had to come next, but he sure as hell wasn't looking forward to it. Italy would have to go to the doctor. Why was that bad? Because Italy was the biggest doctorphobe that Germany knew. He screamed, he cried, he begged, the whole 10 yards, just to not have to go. But it had to be done. Only question is, how does he get Italy to the hospital without ending up in one himself from Italy's fear induced tantrum? Germany sighed. He was gonna need help. He punched in Japan's home number and listened for his voice.

"Hello?"

"Japan? It's Germany. I know what's wrong with Italy."

"Hmm…so you're not stupid after all."

"Oh, shut up. It wasn't exactly obvious."

"Uh, yeah it was. You just don't pay attention."

"Ok fine, my fault. But I need your help getting him to the doctor-don't push the end button because I know you're thinking about it-so he can be checked out."

"Germany, I value my life."

"Hey, be a good friend. Come and give me a hand."

"I'm staying far away from Italy until he's back from the doctor. But I do have a suggestion. Why not bring him to someone that Italy doesn't know is a doctor? Like China. I don't think Italy knows that China works in the medical field."

"China's a doctor?!" Japan sighed.

"…I rest my case about you not paying attention."

"I guess that would work. Does China make house calls?"

"Uh-huh. He did Ukraine's breast implants."

"At her house?!?!"

"No, but don't they look real? China's very good."

"Ok then. I'll call you when it's safe to come over."

"Ok. Good luck, Daddy Germany." Germany blushed a little.

"H-hey! Don't call me that!!"

"Fine, Papa Germany then." Before Germany could scold the man on the other line, Japan hung up, leaving him to deal with his not-so-little Italy issue. Germany stood up and walked to his dresser, going through the first drawer and taking out his address book. He flipped to the page with China's information on it, and punched in his phone number. A voice ended the ringing 30 seconds later.

"Hello? China speaking."

"Morning, China. It's Germany.

"Hey there Germany! How've you been?" Germany sighed.

"I've been better. I need to call in a favor. You busy today?"

"Not until one, why?" Germany looked at the clock. 11:30 was showing in bright red numbers.

"Perfect. I need a house call."

"You're sick?"

"No, but Italy has something growing that I want checked on, if you get my drift."

"Aww! Italy's having a baby? Congratulations!" The blonde ran his fingers through the back of his hair.

"Thanks, but I actually just found out myself. So can you come?"

"Of course. I'll be there with my equipment in 15 minutes…Wait…Isn't Italy afraid of doctors?"

"That's why this plan's so sweet. He doesn't remember you're a doctor."

"Well, ok then. I'd prefer not to become an endangered species today."

"Hey, before you go, how come you're not saying aru anymore?"

"…I have no idea. I'll see you in a few."

"Bye, China, and thanks." Both men hung up the phone. Germany went downstairs to find Italy lying on the couch watching a cheesy soap opera. It'd probably be better to leave him like that, and Germany knew it, so he made no attempt to move him. He sat by his feet and closed his eyes to await China's arrival. 15 minutes later, he did just that. The doorbell rang, scaring Germany to his feet. He ran to the door and opened it, letting the long haired man inside.

"China?" Italy raised an eyebrow at the man, and then turned to Germany. "Why's China here?"

"I'm here to make a house call."

"So you're a doctor?!?!? HELL NO!!!!!!! I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!!!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME-agh!!" Italy fell back onto the couch with a hard thump. China's eyes went wide as he looked at Germany, and then at his hands, which now held a wrench.

"Well, he wasn't gonna stay quiet any other way. And now he won't squirm while you work." A bead of sweat went down China's face as he went to get the equipment from his car. He returned with an ultrasound machine and that weird gel that goes on the patient's stomach. China flicked the machine on and squeezed some gel onto Italy's now exposed stomach. He proceeded to use the mouse to get an image of the inside of Italy's body. He moved the mouse around and looked at the blurry monitor picture.

"Well, you're having a girl." Germany smiled as China continued to look around Italy's tummy. China raised his eyebrows.

"Wow. He's already six months along. You JUST found out about it?"

"Well I didn't know what a pregnant person acted like! And I didn't really notice him getting big until like a month ago!"

"You don't pay attention to things, do you Germany?" Germany sighed.

"Why does everyone say that?" China finished his examination and brought the machine back to his car. When he was done cleaning up Italy and re-covering him, he gave Germany his verdict.

"Well, Italy's healthy, and so is the baby. I'd say he's due in another two and a half months."

"Good, good, tha-WHAAAT?!?!?!?" China nodded.

"Perhaps as early as 2 months. Or as late as 3. But it's coming sometime soon. I'll check up on you later. Bye, Germany." China left the house, got in his car, and drove away. Germany closed the door behind him and plopped on the couch. He sighed.

"Oh my freaking god…" Germany closed his eyes to attempt to sort everything out, but instead fell asleep instantly.


	8. Chapter 8

Italy was the first to wake up. He rubbed the throbbing bump on his head where Germany had knocked him out. That's when he noticed Germany sleeping by his feet. He gave him a few sharp kicks before uncovering himself and standing up.

"Germany, wake up! I'm hungry!" The blonde rubbed his side as he stood up.

"I cooked breakfast. There's no way I'm cooking lunch." Italy sighed, and then perked up.

"Can you take me out to eat then?" Germany hunched over, arms dangling. He knew now that the idea was in his head, he wouldn't give him his peace of mind until he took him. Germany straightened back up.

"Fine, get in the car."

"Which one?"

"Yours."

"Can I drive?"

"Absolutely not."

"Aww…" Italy was disappointed, but he walked to his sportscar without another word and sat in the passenger's seat. Germany sat in the driver's seat and turned the Porche on.

"Seat belt, Italy."

"Ok." Both men buckled their seat belt. Then Italy pressed a button and the hood popped down. Germany glared at the man next to him, but Italy just shrugged. And then they were off. 20 minutes later, they were outside a small café, sitting at a four-person table waiting for their food. That's when Italy noticed his brother walking along the sidewalk.

"Brother, brother! Over here!" The other brunette ran up to the table and sat down.

"Hey guys, what're you doing here?"

"I was hungry and Meanie McMeanface over there wouldn't cook for me, so we went out to eat. Why're you here?"

"Just taking a walk. I get bored too, y'know."

"Oh, we know." The other two men stared at Germany. In an attempt to get the attention off Germany's rude comment, Italy grabbed his brother's hands.

"Hey, Romano, how do you feel about being an uncle?"

"Uncle? Me? I'm not an uncle." Italy smiled.

"Not yet, but you will be." Italy moved Romano's hands to his stomach. His eyes went wide as he slowly turned his head to Germany.

"You didn't…"

"It takes two. And yeah we did."

"Is he really…"

"Yeah he is."

"Are you really…"

"Yeah I am." The eviler of the two Italies glared at the blonde next to him, murderous intent obvious in his dark eyes. Germany stood up, almost knocking over his chair. "And that would be my cue to run for my life. GYAAAAAH!!!!!" Germany screamed and ran away before Romano could slit his throat.

"Get back here!!!!!" Now Romano was running after his brother's lover full speed, leaving a confused Feliciano to figure out what had just happened all by himself. Block by block they ran, Germany steadily gaining ground over his brother in law. Once he was at least 7 blocks ahead, he tried to turn. Sadly, he tried to turn a blind corner and slammed full speed into Russia, throwing them both to the ground. When the cloud of shock faded, they looked at each other.

"Russia?"

"Germany?"

"Why are you running?" Russia turned around, and Germany, for the first time since seeing Russia, noticed a figure in the distance running for him.

"Russiaaaaaa!!!!! Stop running and I might be merciful!!!!" It was America. Germany sighed.

"Dare I ask why?"

"I took his brother's innocence. Why are you running?" Germany stuck his thumb over his shoulder. That's when Russia noticed Germany's own figure.

"Germanyyyy!!!!!!!!! You're gonna pay!!!!!" Now Russia sighed. He could tell it was Romano.

"And the reason for that would be?"

"Same reason America's trying to kill you."

"You took Feliciano's virginity and got him knocked up?"

"Bingo." The two men turned around to look at their pursuers, turned back around to look at the other man's pursuer, then back at each other.

"We should run." Germany nodded.

"Yup." The two men helped each other up and again ran away, this time in the same direction. Less than two minutes later, Romano and America were in the same situation Russia and Germany were in. They had smacked into each other and were now on the ground.

"Huh? America?"

"Romano? What're you doing?"

"Trying to kill my brother in law." America sighed.

"Me, too. Hard, isn't it?"

"Uh huh. But he will pay with his life for polluting my brother's mind and body!!!"

"Right!!! And on that note, let's get moving. They're getting away!!!!" The two men helped each other up and chased the object of their fury. Knowing they had backup motivated them, and both America and Romano were running much faster. Germany glanced back and saw they were gaining speed.

"Gyaah!! Russia!! They're gonna catch us!!" Germany was starting to actually fear for his life.

"Not if I have anything to do with it. C'mon!" Russia grabbed Germany's hand and was pulling him faster, but it was no use. Five minutes later, Romano had pounced on Russia and America had pounced on Germany. Realizing they had the wrong pervert, they got up and pinned the other man. America started the ranting.

"Why would you do that???!!! Are you two just that messed up???!!!" Romano continued where America left off.

"They're our brothers!!!! They were innocent!!!! They were clean!!!! They were the only two left with any hope of escaping hell!!!! Do you realized what you doomed them to???!!!"

"Well??? What do you two have to say for yourselves?!?!?!" Germany spoke first.

"You don't understand!!! Have either of you ever been in love!?!?!? What we did was natural!!!! The only bad thing that's happened since then was you two trying to kill us for proving that we love them!!!"

"Yeah, what he said!!! You would want to do the same thing if you were in love!!! And do you have any idea how bad you made Italy and Canada feel when you chased us???!!! They were afraid you'd come home with our blood on your hands!!! Or our heads on a stick!!!" America and Romano looked at each other, then stood up.

"You're right." America shook his head.

"As much as I hate to admit it." Russia and Germany smiled at each other and stood up.

"Does this mean you two aren't gonna chase us anymore?" America and Romano nodded.

"But if you ever betray them, you're as good as dead." Romano added before walking away. America stayed behind and was glaring at both men. Romano came back and pulled America away by his ear.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ok that hurts, ouch…" Russia and Germany waved as America was yanked out of sight, then looked at each other.

"Well, today was intresting." Germany laughed.

"More like freaky." Just then, Germany's phone rang. It was Italy. Germany put the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" Italy sighed.

"Good, you're alive. What happened?"

"I was being chased, I smacked into Russia who was still being chased by America, we all ran together, America and Romano finally pinned us, we yelled at each other, but long story short, no more chasing."

"I'm glad. Romano was getting annoying." Russia tapped Germany's shoulder and held out his hand. Germany gave Russia the phone.

"Italy?"

"Hey, Russia. You're alive too. Good."

"I'm alive, but I've had a long day. And so has your Doitsu. I'm gonna treat him to a few rounds, so if he's late, blame it on me, ok?"

"Got it. Bye Russia, say bye to Germany for me."

"Bye." Russia hung up the phone and handed it back to Germany, whose jaw had dropped. Russia laughed. "You coming? Happy hour starts soon." Germany smiled and followed his new found ally towards the bar.


	9. Chapter 9

Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes to get to the bar. Fifteen minutes of privacy with Russia. Germany wanted to make the best of it.

"So, um, do you think the guys are through chasing us?"

"Germany, you're smart. What do you think?"

"That they'll leave us alone for our boyfriends' sakes."

"And so they will."

"And if they don't?"

"We run. Again." Another minute of silence went by. Finally Germany worked up the courage to ask what he really wanted to know.

"Russia, why're you being so nice?" Russia stopped in his tracks and turned to look at the man behind him.

"It's a secret."

"Why?"

"Because it is."

"C'mon, Russia. Tell me. I swear I won't say a word." Russia sighed and continued to walk, Germany trailing 3 feet behind.

"Fine. I'll tell you. I'm not really all that evil."

"Huh?"

"You heard me. The meanness is an act for the most part. So no one will think I'm weak. I'm usually kind underneath the mask."

"Usually?"

"I may have my nice moments, but I'm still a bad person. Honestly, I think a lot of people would be better off if I was gone. And my friends are idiots for not abandoning me yet. It doesn't matter though. They'll come to their senses eventually." Germany sighed.

"That's love, Russia. That's why they don't abandon you." They arrived at the bar. Russia stood in the doorway, again turning around to look at Germany.

"I don't deserve to love or be loved."

"But you are anyway."

"The people who get close to me get hurt."

"But they don't care as long as they can have you with them." Russia turned back around.

"Maybe, maybe not. They'll realize I'm bad news soon enough. Now come on, or else you'll be the one treating me." Russia walked inside.

"…" Germany silently followed. What could he say? The man had just poured his heart out, whether he realized it or not. Russia sat at the bar and patted the stool next to him. Germany sat down. The bartender walked up to them. Germany was surprised to see that their bartender was France.

"France? You're a bartender?" Germany was confused. Russia started explaining.

"France here isn't just your typical run-of-the-mill rapist. He has an international bartending license. And he's my go-to guy on everything alcohol. France smiled.

"Uh huh. And Russia here is one of my regulars. What can I get you two tonight?"

"I'll have a shot of vodka on the rocks."

"Straight beer."

"A vodka with ice and a bottle of beer coming right up." France walked away to tend to other bar goers, leaving the two alone once again.

"I didn't know France was a bartender."

"There are a lot of things that I know that others don't."

"Like?"

"Like Ukraine's boobs being fake. Or America getting high every night in the graveyard. Or Prussia eating a bug because of a dare."

"I knew about Ukraine's implants. I could guess about America getting high. He acts high even when he's clean. And Prussia ate a bug? That'll be good blackmail material." Russia glared at Germany.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. He's friends with Spain. Spain's a black belt."

"He is?!"

"Uh huh."

"Wow." At that moment, France returned with their drinks.

"Enjoy, guys."

"Thanks, France." Russia slid France his tip and France walked away again.

"Russia, why do you feel that way?"

"That way about what?"

"About yourself."

"I said why already. The people I love and who love me…they always end up getting hurt. And I'm the one holding the weapon."

"How's that work out?"

"Simple. I abandon them. I betray them. I break my promises to them. I leave them feeling horrible and then I can't help but laugh when everything's over. I'm despicable."

"Can't you just stop?"

"No, because I don't try in the first place. It just happens."

"What about Canada?"

"I haven't hurt him yet. Or at least to my knowledge. If I have, he didn't say anything."

"Does anyone else know you feel like this?"

"Of course not. You're the first person I've told any of this to." Russia looked down.

"Russia…" Just then, France brought out another round.

"This one's on me." He put the drinks in front of the men and again walked away. Russia picked his head up.

"We came here to forget our issues. Let's just take a break and drink." Germany nodded, still speechless. An hour later, both men were completely sauced. That's when the conversation turned to relationships.

"Y'know…you got a pretty good catch there, Russia."

"Canada? I know. He's pretty great."

"What about in bed?"

"Not shy at all. The boy lets his presence be known. And mine, for that matter." Russia hiccupped. "What about Italy?"

"Three words…Ah-May-Zing"

"How do you do him?"

"Doggy. It's his favorite. You?"

"Against the wall. God, are we sore afterwards."

"Understandable. Who do you think would be better?"

"What do you mean?"

"Who do you think is better in bed, Italy or Canada?"

"I dunno. Italy sounds good."

"So does Canada."

"Which of us do you think is better?"

"Me."

"In your dreams."

"Want to prove me wrong?"

"Maybe I do." Russia pulled Germany closer by his necklace and planted a kiss square on his lips. Germany returned the kiss without thinking twice. Their tongues battled for dominance as their lips moved against each other. Five minutes passed and they were still swapping spit. Russia broke the kiss, leaving both men panting.

"Canada… is a very… lucky man"

"So… is Italy…"

"I think…we should head…back home"

"Uh huh…" France walked up to them.

"You two are both way too wasted to drive. C'mon, I'll give you a ride." France walked to his car. Both men followed, stumbling and holding each other up as they walked.


	10. Chapter 10

Germany and Russia walked to France's car and flopped into the back seat. France sat in the front and stuck his key in the ignition. The engine roared to life, startling both men. Silently, France drove away. Germany looked out the window as they drove. That's when he realized they had been running for quite some time.

"France, who's house is closer?"

"From where we are now, your house. But it's still an hour away."

"AN HOUR?" Does France have any idea how quickly Italy could burn the house down? Or fall asleep in the bathtub and drown?

"Calm down, Ludwig. I don't feel like getting arrested. God forbid Hungary is the one to stop me and beats me with that pan of hers…" France shivered at the thought. Germany raised one discombobulated eyebrow.

"Hungary is a cop?"

"Yeah, don't you remember? She graduated from the police academy last year. Everyone threw a surprise celebration party for her. You were there too."

"…I was?" France sighed.

"You need to learn how to pay attention to detail." Germany rolled his eyes.

"So I've been told…" Germany looked over at Russia. He had fallen asleep in his seat. A minute later, France hit the brakes a little too hard, making Russia fall forward. Germany gasped and caught him before his face plowed into the back of France's seat. He laid Russia's head in his lap and was amazed to see that he was still asleep. "Hey, does he…"

"Does he always get this drunk? Not normally. He only gets this sauced when he's depressed about something. I can't imagine what, though. The last time he was here, we were celebrating his luck changing."

"Well it's obvious his luck changed back to bad."

"Uh huh. I feel bad for Russia. He's had a pretty bad life. But I respect him for overcoming it so often. It's really rare that he's depressed, let alone enough to get this drunk." Germany looked down at the blonde man in his lap and put his hand on his forehead protectively.

"He's a strong man. But even the strong fall, I suppose." France turned up the road to Germany's house and parked in the driveway. Germany stepped out of the car, careful not to wake the still sleeping Russian. France got out with him.

"Ok, here's the deal, Germany. You know that Ivan lives with Matthew, right?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

"Mattie's on a business trip right now, meaning he's there alone for the next week." Germany thought about Russia in the big house alone. A lot could go wrong in a week. And Canada was the one person who kept Russia sane. Who knows what could happen when he's not there?

"Ok, but there's nothing we can do."

"Well, that's the thing. What do you think would happen if I brought him home with me?"

"I think he'd be in danger of getting raped." France blushed a little.

"I get the point. Anything else?"

"He'll be mad when he realizes you didn't take him home." France shuddered at the thought of one of Russia's temper tantrums and sighed.

"Good point. I guess I have to take him home." France said goodnight and walked back towards the car. Germany thought for a minute and realized leaving him there alone wasn't a good idea.

"Wait, France!" France turned and looked at the other blonde. "What if I take him?" France raised one of his perfectly waxed eyebrows.

"You want to drive this time? Sure, go ahead."

"That's not what I meant. What if I take him in for the night? Russia, I mean." France shook his head.

"He's gonna kill you when he wakes up."

"I don't care. It's better than having him alone in that house for a week."

"Fine. I'll be at your funeral." Germany smiled and ran to the front door, quickly unlocking it and running back.

"You sure you're ready to die?"

"I won't die. And I don't want to leave Russia by himself without the one thing that keeps him from insanity." Germany opened the back door of France's Lamborghini and carried the man out bridal style. France nodded and smiled.

"You're a good friend, Germany. I'll see you around. Take care of Ivan."

"I will." France closed up the car and drove away with a wave. Germany looked at the man in his arms. 'Why did I do that?' he thought. He carried the other man through the front door, careful not to hit his head on anything, and put him gently on the sofa. He went back to close the door behind him and sat on the edge of the sofa he laid Russia on. He looked at the man, still knocked out. The closer Germany looked, the more he was shocked. Russia looked at peace when he was sleeping. Calm and collected. Russia looked kind when he slept. His mouth was curled into an almost-smile. Russia looked childish. His face had no more roundness, but it still looked as if it belonged to a teenager than a full grown man. Russia also looked vulnerable. He looked as if he would break if he was too rough with him. And even as he slept, he looked as if he had had a weight on his shoulders for a long time. Germany put his hand on Russia's cheek, caressing it gently as if to be sure he wouldn't really break under the touch. 'You're a strong man, but your sleeping self tells me the truth.' All of a sudden, Russia's eyes opened and his hand went up to meet Germany's on his face. Germany smiled.

"Are you ok now?"

"I am now." Russia looked around. "Where am I?"

"My house. When you got in France's car, you passed out. So I brought you in here to save France the trouble of carrying you to your house." Russia looked away from Germany's eyes.

"I'm sorry I caused trouble."

"It's ok. But I have a few statements to say. I know everything. You really are nice deep down. You do hurt people, but it's because you're still rather naïve and childish and don't make the best choices yet. All you want is peace, but you think you either will never get it or don't deserve it. Ant the tough stuff is all an act too. On the inside, you're fragile. Vulnerable. Ready to crack. And the only reason you haven't cracked is because you don't want to worry your friends again." Russia was speechless. Germany sighed. "Just nod if I got all or most of it." Russia hesitated, then nodded. He closed his eyes and squeezed Germany's hand.

"It's all true."

"Thought so." Germany pulled Russia upright and into a hug. Russia reluctantly hugged him back. "You and me are in the same boat, Russia. Things'll get easier. Give everything time. Some things might just solve themselves. Good night." Germany got up and started to walk towards the stairs. Russia pulled his hand and he turned around.

"Thanks, Ludwig…" Germany was shocked. Russia had never used his informal, familiar name before. He was happy though.

"You're welcome, Ivan. Germany bent down and kissed the man's cheek before walking upstairs and plopping himself on his bed next to a violently snoring Italy.


	11. Chapter 11

Germany awoke to the sound of screaming. The shock made him jump and hit his head on the ceiling, stunning him slightly. He fell back to the bed with a springy thump. When he stood up, he heard the scream again. It was loud and shrill. Italy. He ran out the bedroom and into the hallway, just in time to see Italy running before smacking head first into Germany, knocking them both down. Both men rubbed their heads. When Italy came around, he screamed again and scrambled to stand up. When he got to his feet, he ran behind Germany, as if to use him as a human meat shield.

"Dammit Italy, what's wrong?"

"T-the de-devil has come f-for us…"

"What in hell are you talking about?" Italy slowly pointed to the stairs that led to the living room. Germany sighed "So you're telling me if I go down there, I'm gonna see an evil man wearing red with horns and a pitchfork?" Italy didn't respond. He just looked terrified. Germany sighed and walked downstairs, Italy cautiously following behind. He surveyed the room. Everything was exactly how it had been last night.

"I see no one with red horns or a pitchfork in hand." Italy pointed a shaky finger towards Russia, who was still snoring, oblivious to the scene his presence was causing. Germany rolled his eyes. "It's just Russia. He's my guest, not the devil." Italy glared at the sleeping blonde.

"That's how they get you… They make nice with you so you'll invite them in and then their fangs stab you and suck you dry of blood…" Germany sighed and rolled his eyes yet again.

"That's vampires, nitwit."

"Well then it's a vampire! I don't care! He scares me!" Germany was getting pissed at Italy for insulting Russia, but he kept his mouth shut.

"He'll be gone in a few hours."

"Hmph. That isn't soon enough." Italy ran upstairs. Ten minutes later, he came down fully dressed. "I want him GONE by the time I'm home from work." A scared and ticked off brunette marched out the door, to his car and drove away. Germany plopped on the part of the long couch Russia wasn't occupying and sighed.

"You done pretending to be asleep yet?" Russia laughed a little and sat up.

"Was it that obvious?"

"To Italy, no. To me, and probably anybody else, yes." Russia blushed pink and looked down at his lap.

"Whoops. I didn't mean to cause trouble. Maybe I should leave…" Russia started heading to the front door but Germany blocked his way.

"Not happening. Canada isn't home yet and I don't want you there by yourself without him." Germany said in a serious tone.

"I don't need you to babysit me"

"Oh, I think you do. Canada's gone right now. That means your only defense against insanity is gone, too." Russia glared at the man and started his rant.

"So you're just gonna keep me here? I'm pretty sure that counts as kidnapping! Besides, I can take care of myse-"

Germany didn't feel like arguing, so he shut Russia up the only way he knew would work, by lip locking. It lasted less than a minute, but that was enough to make the arguing man's mind go blank. His eyes were wide and staring at Germany. Germany turned faint pink.

"Ok that probably wasn't the best idea but I knew it'd get you quiet. Hehehehe…" Germany laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head. He looked back up at Russia, who turned his head to the side.

"I…Um…I have to…uh…go…upstairs for…something…" Russia ran up the stairs at full speed, running into Germany's bedroom and slamming the door behind him. Germany's expression twisted into a perfect WTF look as he walked up the stairs and tried to open the door. It wasn't locked, but Russia had all his weight against it.

"Russia, open the door."

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because…I have the feeling something'll happen if I do."

"Like?" Russia was silent. He opened the door and bellyflopped into the bed, burying his face in a pillow. Germany again was confused. "Why wont you show me your face?"

"Because…"

"Because why?"

"Because it…it betrays me…"

"How can your face betray you?" Russia took his face out of the pillow and stood up, back to germany. He turned around and sighed.

"This is how." His face was deep red now and he was starting to sweat. Not because of his overcoat either. Germany turned red too as he realized what was going on. "Me and Canada. We can't have sex. It's bad for the baby. You can't have it with Italy either. But you and I…That's a different story." Before Germany knew what was happening, Russia had hooked his arm around Germany's neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Germany tried to wiggle away, but Russia was stronger than he thought. Russia gasped 4 minutes later. A trail of saliva hung from their lips. "I know how to treat my suitors. Can you resist me?" Germany turned crimson. He knew the answer was no. 'Ah hell. Russia's gonna rape me and then Italy'll find out and kill me. Great…' he thought. But would it be rape? Germany knew it was wrong but his body disagreed. His length grew stiffer at the thought of Russia's cock pushing into him. Moving. Throbbing. Thrusting. And finally cumming deep into his body. His body shivered and Germany gave up. He really COULDN'T resist, even if he tried. He growled and pushed Russia down onto the bed hard before crushing his lips against the other man's. Their tongues snaked around each other violently like they were determined to taste the other's spit. Germany started to grind against Russia while he took off his clothes, not being careful in the slightest. Germany saw the clothes as the only thing between him and release inside Russia. Once their chests were exposed, Germany started nipping at Russia's neck and collarbone. Russia moaned and fisted a hand in Germany's hair, the other hand massaging the larger blonde's member. A moment later, the pants came off, followed by the boxers. Russia's hand, still fisted in Germany's hair, was leading Germany's mouth lower. Germany grabbed Russia's hand and untwined it from his hair. His mouth went up to Russia's ear.

"Not so fast. I won't make this easy. I never do…" Germany took on a husky, seductive tone. He pulled Russia off the bed and onto his knees in front of him before laying on the floor, stomach up, knees bent, and legs spread as wide as possible. Russia's cock throbbed sorely in response to the new pose.

"Ugh…stop it…I'm gonna…lose it…" Russia crawled in between Germany's legs, but Germany grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled him up to his chest.

"Dinner before dessert…be good and you might just get…an extra helping…" Russia groaned, then smiled devilishly. Germany's neck looked delicious. Russia lowered his mouth and licked the side of his neck, also taking time to stop and pant. Russia's hot breath made Germany shiver. Slowly the Russian moved lower, sucking on his collarbone. "Ngh…" Now Germany was being teased. And he loved every second. The only question left was, who will break first? Russia moved even lower to Germany's nipples. He took one in his mouth, licking around it and pressing it down with his tongue, and pinched the other, making Germany wince. That went on for a solid 5 minutes before he moved to the center of Germany's chest and licked down to his stomach, then the base of his cock. He licked and kissed his way up the shaft and stopped when he got to the tip. He clamped his mouth around the head and bit it gently while pushing down on it with his tongue. Germany couldn't take anymore. He grabbed Russia's hair again and pulled himself hard into Russia's mouth completely. Russia gagged a bit but quickly adjusted and started sucking furiously and bobbing his head in time with his racing pulse. Germany moaned and arched his back off the floor. The familiar pressure was pooling in his stomach. Russia must've picked up on this because he reached down to Germany's calves, trailed gently up his thighs, and came to rest on the sacs underneath Germany's member. He was holding them in a way that made release impossible as long as they stayed like that. He took Germany's painfully throbbing cock from the confines of his mouth and pushed it against his stomach, giving him a clear view of the two round balls beneath it. He squeezed them, making the pressure in Germany's stomach grow, but release still impossible. Russia licked the area that his fingers weren't covering and nipped at them with his teeth, making Germany feel like he was about to explode. Again and again Germany's body shuddered, begging to cum, but he couldn't overcome the taller man. "Russia…I'm gonna…rrg….p-pop…gyah…" Russia smiled and let the younger blonde go.

"No cumming. Not yet…" Germany held in his desire to release as best he could but he didn't know how long he'd last. Russia stood up and walked around to Germany's head and looked down at him before getting down on his hands and knees again. He crawled over and kissed Germany's forehead, then his nose, then a fierce French kiss, then his jaw, then his chin. The kisses moved lower, little by little, bit by bit, and Germany started doing the same from underneath. Russia kissed up the shaft again and when he kissed the tip, slammed his mouth around it and sucked fiercely. Germany did the same to the cock now centimeters from his mouth. Then it was Germany's turn. He kept pace with the throbs of Russia's member, which were coming more often and faster. But Germany was getting impatient too. He dug his right nails into Russia's lower back and searched for his opening. When he found it, he pushed in a finger roughly, making Russia groan in pain and pleasure. Germany added two more fingers at once and started twisting. "rrgh…AAAGH!" That's when he felt a shudder from the body on top of him, followed by a stream of thick, white, hot liquid filling his mouth. The shock made him let go of what hold he had and he released his seed into Russia's mouth. Russia collapsed on top of Germany as they struggled to get their pulse and breathing under control. It took a while, but eventually they calmed down and stood up. They found their voices again when they were getting dressed.

"Italy really is a lucky man."

"As is Canada."

"We take this to our deaths, yes?"

"I think you mean take this to our graves."

"Whatever. We tell no one, ok?"

"Definitely. I can't say that wasn't fun, that's for sure."

"Neither can I. Let's do it again later." Germany laughed.

"God, we are impure men."

"What was your first clue?"

"Uh, this?"

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

"Um…Maybe…Just a little…" Russia punched Germany's shoulder.

"Embrace the dark side, comrade." Germany laughed again.

"Is this the part where you say you're my father?"

"I hope I'm not. Or I just screwed my son."

"Exactly." Both men smiled and sat on the couch. Russia turned on the TV. There was a hockey game on.

"I miss Canada…" Germany patted the Russian's back.

"You'll live." Germany put his arm over the other blonde's shoulder and they channel surfed into exhaustion and finally fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

It was 6:00 pm when Italy got home from work, same as always. He pulled out his keys, same as always. He unlocked the door and stepped inside, same as always.

"Germany, I'm ho-" The scene he walked in on wasn't the same. Germany and Russia were asleep on the floor, Russia sideways and Germany's head on Russia's stomach. "Germany!" The loud, shrill voice made both men jump to their feet.

"I-Italy! I'm just… We're not… T-this isn't what it looks like!"

"Y-yeah! After you left, we were bored so we started watching TV! We must've dozed off!" Technically, Russia and Germany weren't lying. They did indeed start watching T.V. after Italy left. They just didn't mention what else had happened.

"Both of you, shut up! I don't want to hear it! Russia, out!"

"b-but-" Russia stuttered. He didn't want Germany to have to fend for himself. Italy had that freaky super strength thing when he was mad. And he looked very mad.

"NO BUTS, GET OUT NOW!"

"Yipe…ok…I'm leaving…" Russia slowly walked to the front door, keeping his eyes on Italy.

"No, Russia, wait!" It was too late. Russia opened the door and slipped quickly outside, slamming the door behind him. Germany sighed. "And then there was one…"

"Yeah, and that one is about to be six feet under if he doesn't explain what the hell that was all about!" Germany gulped.

"N-nothing! We just fell asleep!" Italy narrowed his eyes and grabbed the collar of the blonde man's shirt.

"You know you can't lie to me."

"And I'm not! Believe me, please, you have to!"

"You're lying! I can tell you're lying! I know something happened between you two!" They stood there, staring into each other's eyes, and time seemed to slow down. Hours seemed to fly by, when in reality it had only been a minute. Germany looked away and finally accepted his fate.

"Ok, fine, I admit it. Me and Russia had sex. But you have to understand, it was completely accidental!"

"ACCIDENTAL? HOW THE HELL CAN SEX BE ACCIDENTAL? YOU BOTH HAVE TO AGREE TO DO IT!" Italy took a deep breath to keep his blood pressure down. "Or did he rape you?"

"Yes…well, no…please Feliciano, just try and listen!" Italy winced at the use of his real name. He had loved hearing his name when Germany said it before. But now…it sounded wrong. Germany had made himself impure. Italy never wanted to hear Germany say his name again. Germany sat on the sofa and motioned for Italy to follow. Reluctantly, Italy followed. "Remember when Romano and America were chasing me and Russia?"

"Yes."

"Ok, now remember when you called me after the chase finally ended hours later?"

"Uh huh."

"Remember when Russia took the phone and said he was taking me to the bar?"

"Yes, now does this have a point or can I continue ripping your limbs off?" Germany gulped.

"I thought you wanted to hear what happened!"

"So that's a no then? Good, c'mere!" Italy stood up and walked towards Germany, who automatically covered his face with his arms and twisted his torso so his back was facing Italy as much as possible.

"Gyah! Italy wait!" Italy growled, but backed up anyway.

"Now what?" Germany opened one eye and peered at Italy to make sure he wasn't holding any blunt objects before shifting and sitting correctly on the sofa again.

"At least hear the whole story. If you still want to kill me after that then go ahead but at the very least get your facts straight first."

"…Hmph, fine." Italy sat down on the opposite side of the couch and twined his fingers over his swollen stomach. Germany sent a silent prayer to whatever had just helped save his skin.

"Well Russia invited me to a bar. You already know that. Everything started simple. Drinks and stuff. But then we started talking and after an hour or so the conversation shifted to relationships. So we start talking about you and Canada and we wonder which of you was better. Y'know, in bed. And from there we got onto which of us was better."

"And that's when it happened?"

"No, it happened after we were back home."

"Well then skip to that part."

"…Fine. Impatient pregnant jerk…"

"What was that?" Germany shivered.

"N-Nothing. Let me finish. We were both wasted so France drove us ho-"

"Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, wait. Where'd France come in?"

"He was the bartender at the bar Russia took us to."

"France bartends?"

"I know!" Germany smirked. "back on topic, he drove us home and Russia passed out on the way here. France was gonna drop me off and then drop Russia off but he was concerned that Russia would be there by himself. He was thinking about taking Russia to his house."

"Why didn't you let him?"

"You kidding me? It's FRANCE."

"…yeah good point."

"So I told France I'd watch Russia, carried him inside, and laid him on the couch. He woke up a little later and asked where he was. I told him and he went back to sleep." Germany felt he should leave out the stuff about Russia's personal feelings.

"And then I found him the next morning, right?" Germany nodded.

"Yeah. You flipped and then left for work. After that Russia woke up and apologized and tried to leave but I didn't let him."

"Well why not?"

"Because Canada wasn't home yet now hush. He started arguing with me and I could only think of one way to shut him up." Germany blushed and rubbed the back of his head. "I kissed him." Italy's eyes went wide and then narrowed as the words sank in.

"And then it happened?"

"Um…yeah, basically. He ran upstairs and I followed him and saw that the kiss aroused him…and it happened a little after that." Italy was silent for a moment. Then his forehead scrunched up in anger.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS! WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR YEARS NOW! AND NOW YOU GO AND DO THIS! WHAT IN HELL WOULD POSSESS YOU TO DO THI-" Italy gasped and fell to his knees.


	13. Chapter 13

Germany ran and managed to catch Italy before he hit the ground.

"Italy! Are you okay, what's wrong?" Italy was clutching his chest and panting.

"G-Germany…the baby…it's coming…"

"What?" No, she can't be coming already! It's only been eight months!" His mind flickered to China's checkup. _Perhaps as early as two months. Or as late as three. But it's coming sometime soon. _Italy coughed and Germany panicked. "I need to get you to a hospital!" He tried to pick the pained man up, but was stopped.

"No…won't make it…ambulance…" Germany nodded in understanding and put Italy on the bed.

"Right, call 911, get you to the hospital…" He walked to the door and opened it. Russia tumbled out, falling flat on his face. He stood up, embarrassed.

"I wasn't eavesdropping I swear! I was just a little worried about you so I stayed!" Germany raised an eyebrow.

"A likely story. Now watch Italy, I need to call an ambulance for him." Germany tried to keep his voice calm.

"Right!" Russia entered the room as Germany rushed out of it. He picked up his phone and dialed the number.

"_911, what is your emergency?"_

"Yes, hello? My boyfriend just went into labor! He's laying down but he looks like he's really hurting and I think the baby is gonna be coming really soon!"

"_Calm down sir, and tell me your address." _Germany recited the address and hung up. Russia came out of the bedroom in a panic.

"A lot of water just gushed out of Italy!" Russia was frantic.

"His water broke already? Dammit!" He rushed back into the room, Russia at his heels. He caressed Italy's face. "Don't worry, you'll be okay." He didn't know who he was trying to convince, Italy or himself. Italy gave an agonized groan and nodded slightly.

.o.O.o.

Germany sat in the waiting room, face in his hands. They had arrived at the hospital over a half hour ago, and still no word on Italy's condition. Russia, although still in a panic himself, rubbed his back reassuringly.

"He and the baby will both be fine. Believing any otherwise is like giving up on them." Germany sighed.

"I know they'll be alright. But it's all my fault. If she's born with a defect because she's premature, or if Italy's body is so stressed it can't handle the added stress of childbirth, I'll be to blame."

"No, you won't be. If anything, I'll be to blame."

"How? The only reason he went into stress induced labor is because he felt like I betrayed him."

"But if it wasn't for me taking you to the bar in the beginning, you wouldn't have slept with me at all. If it wasn't for me, none of this would be happening." Germany laughed a bit, but the sound lacked any trace of humor.

"I suppose we're both at fault, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess we are." Germany hugged Russia, eyes still glazed with worry.

"I hope they're both okay…" Russia patted the shorter blonde's back.

"Me too."

An hour passed. Germany had fallen asleep, arms still wrapped around Russia's waist. Russia was still rubbing Germany's back, trying to soothe him. China walked up to them and cleared his throat. His usual clothes were covered by a white doctor's coat.

"China." Russia nudged Germany awake. He groaned, but eventually opened his eyes and rejoined the world of the living. He looked up at the long haired man.

"How…How are they?" China smiled.

"At 7:53 pm, Italy gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Brown hair, blue eyes, 7 pounds, 11 ounces." Russia and Germany smiled brightly, making China laugh. He didn't even need to hear them. He knew what both men were thinking. "Yes, you can go see them. She's all cleaned up and Italy's recovering nicely." Both men jumped up, gave their thanks to China, and left full speed. The room was only about ten doors away. Russia opened it and they both stepped in, shutting it behind them. Their smiles grew. Italy was there, looking much calmer now, and also much happier. In his arms he held the baby girl, complete with a small pink hat that covered most of her hair, wrapped up snugly in a white blanket. Both the men could only stare. Russia nearly started crying.

"She's…she's beautiful." He sobbed. "Beautiful and tiny and perfect…" The other men could only nod in agreement. Germany kissed Italy.

"She looks a lot like you."

"That's good, she got my sexy genes." Germany rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Don't get cocky." Italy laughed too.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. She has your eyes, though." Germany and Russia looked at the little girl. They couldn't see her eyes. She was sound asleep in Italy's arms. They saw strands of hair poking out from under the hat. It was mostly brunette, but in the light, you could see flickers of shiny blonde locks, too. Germany's eyes softened.

"I can't believe it…We're parents…We created such a perfect little girl…" Russia nodded.

"Believe it, you are, and you did." They both laughed at the taller man, who raised an eyebrow, not seeing the humor in what he had just said. He turned back to the child. "Have you picked a name?" Germany and Italy glanced at each other and mentally cursed themselves. They knew they were having a baby. They knew she was going to be a girl. But they hadn't put any thought into a name. All three stood in silence as they thought of possible names. Italy broke the silence.

"…Kairi." Germany and Russia looked at the man, who was looking at the girl.

"Kairi?" Italy nodded.

"Kairi." Russia smirked.

"A lovely name. It means 'eternally unwavering' in Russian."

"Really? It means 'newfound love' in German."

"And it means 'strengthening beauty' in Italien. Let's hope she grows up with all these things." The tallest nodded.

"Yes. Well, I should probably leave the happy family alone for a bit. I'll see you all later." Russia reached for the door.

"Wait." Russia turned to Italy, slightly shocked.

"Anything else you need?"

"Why are you leaving?"

"I really shouldn't be here spoiling your first moments as a family."

"So you aren't a part of our family?"

"Obviously not." The brunette smirked.

"That's too bad. We had just assumed you would be Kairi's godfather, but if you aren't a part of our family…we'll stop her if she calls you uncle Ivan." Russia's eyes widened, as did Germany's, dumbfounded. Neither had been expecting that. Russia smiled.

"You mean it?"

"Of course we do. Right, Germany?" Germany nodded.

"Y-yes! Right!" Germany improvised, not really knowing what to say. He hadn't been informed about Ivan being the Godfather. But he wasn't complaining. Kairi and Russia's daughter could be close friends when they're older. He was looking forward to that. Russia smiled widely and nearly cried again.

"Thank you, Italy, I'd love to be her Godfather." Italy nodded approvingly. Then a bit of a contradiction hit him. "But…don't you hate me?"

"I did at first. I thought you were evil. I just wanted you away from me. But when you were in the bedroom with me, I could see it. In your eyes, I saw honest concern. That's when I realized that you weren't as bad as your rough exterior makes you seem." The tallest nodded, smile still tugging at his lips. Germany shook his head.

"But wait…Weren't you mad at us? For…y'know…" Italy sighed.

"The past is the past. Everyone makes mistakes." Germany and Russia both let out sighs of relief. Italy smirked. "But on the other hand…Just wait until Romano finds out."

Germany and Russia both gulped. They were a family now. They were happy about that. But they both knew that they were in for some trouble when they got home.

"Oh quadruple shit…" Russia muttered. Germany and Italy both glared at him.

"Language!" They said at the same time. Silence followed. Then all three broke down with laughter.


	14. Chapter 14

March 4th. A young girl with blonde streaked, copper colored hair and blue eyes stared intently at her ever growing pile of presents. She smiled brightly at the colorfully wrapped boxes that already filled up two tables, and the ground in front of them. It was fun to try and guess what was inside. Antonio's present was gigantic. At least her height, maybe bigger. Maybe a really big dollhouse? Roderich's present wasn't wrapped, and had holes poked in the sides. An animal? Francis' was in a small bag. Maybe a gift card? While the girl continued to speculate, she heard someone calling her.

"Ciao, Kairi!"

"Where's our awesome little niece?"

Kairi looked towards the gate leading into the back yard and squealed, running towards the two men. "Eek! Uncle Gilbert! Uncle Romano!" Gilbert got on his knees and hugged Kairi tightly. Kairi kissed his cheek in return, and then did the same to Romano. "I missed you!"

"We've missed you too, nipote." Romano smiled as he watched Kairi giggle happily when Gilbert scooped her up. "So where's my brother and the potato ba- I mean, Ludwig?" He surveyed the back yard. He identified several socializing nations, but the German and Italian couple were nowhere in sight.

Kairi's face scrunched in thought. "Um...mama and papa are inside, I think."

"..." Gilbert sighed. "Please don't tell me Feliciano is baking again."

Kairi nodded excitedly. "Yeah, he's baking my cake! A yummy chocolate one!"

Romano pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll get the fire extinguisher." Gilbert chuckled and Kairi pouted.

"Hey, mama's getting better! He hasn't set the kitchen on fire for a whoooole year!"

Gilbert and Romano looked at each other with paranoid glances. "A year?" They said in sync, turning back to the half German, half Italian girl.

"It's a new record." Gilbert said. Kairi and Romano huffed at him. The albino put down his niece and chuckled. "And you just agreed with me, so don't gimme that look, Romano."

"Yes, I agreed with you, but only I'm allowed to say stuff about Feliciano, not you!"

"Hey, he's my brother-in-law!"

Romano cringed. "Agh, don't remind me! It's bad enough that they're _engaged _now, I don't want to be reminded of what's coming!"

"Well, deal with it! Ludwig and Feliciano are gonna get married, and not only will I be Feli's brother-in-law, I'll be _yours_, too."

"I said not to remind me!"

Kairi giggled at them. "Why do you two fight so much? Families aren't supposed to fight." She gave them her signature "innocent eyes" (a trait she inherited from Feliciano) and their demeanor instantly melted.

"Y'see, cutie," Gilbert began, "Romano here doesn't like your dad, cuz he's in love with your mom, and he's really overprotective of Feli. But Feli told him not to insult your dad, so apparently he's taking it out on me, instead. Isn't that right, Romano?"

"Well, all this angst has to go somewhere..." The brunette muttered.

"But it won't work on me~! You know why it won't work on me? Tell 'em why it won't work on me, Kairi."

"Because he's Gilbert, the prince of all things super epically awesome!" She said with a smile and a nod.

Gilbert patted her head. "Attagirl!"

Romano scoffed. "Oi, Gilbert, stop corrupting her!"

"I'm not corrupting her!"

"Fine, then at least stop lying to her!"

"..." Gilbert sighed and shook his head. "Remember this, Kai. Your uncle is suffering from awesomeness denial."

"Am not!"

Kairi giggled before looking nervously at her feet. "Um...can you two help me with something?"

The men glanced at each other, then back at the birthday girl. "Sure," They answered in sync.

"Uncle Gilbert, you speak German, don't you?" She asked.

"Uh huh," The albino man replied.

"And you speak Italian, don't you, Uncle Romano?"

"Yes," The brunette answered.

Kairi smiled widely. "Good, there's something I want to learn how to say! Can you teach it to me?"

The men looked at each other again before grinning. They knew plotting children when they saw them.

"Of course we will. What do you want to know?"

.o.O.o.

Ludwig stood by the window, looking out into his back yard and watching as his daughter examined her presents. He felt arms wrap around his waist.

"What're you looking at?" The copper haired man asked, looking out the window as well.

Germany sighed. "She's gotten so big...She's already five years old!"

Beside him, Feliciano giggled. "It's like just yesterday she was our baby, giggling at everything and pulling everyone's hair."

"Or biting people," The blonde added.

The smaller man chuckled. "That, too, but she'll always be our baby. Right, doitsu?"

Ludwig looked on as the girl eagerly ran up to her uncles, smiling that bright smile that made her look so much like her mother. "Right...always our little girl." They watched Kairi giggle as Gilbert picked her up. "She's so beautiful, just like you, Feliciano."

"Aww," Feliciano kissed his fiancee's cheek, "but she's strong and kind. Just like you, Ludwig."

Ludwig just chuckled to himself in response, wrapping his arm around Feliciano. "She'll grow up and be a fine woman."

Feliciano groaned. "Don't remind me! When that time comes, she'll be up to her neck in men!" He pouted. "No man will _ever _be good enough for _our _daughter." His eyes burned with an angry, overprotective fury.

Ludwig sighed. "Just don't behead anyone who wants to take her hand."

Feliciano pouted again. "I know, I know. Just sayin'." The blonde simply nodded understandingly before realizing that Feliciano had other things to attend to.

"Um...Shouldn't you be watching the cake?"

"...You're supposed to watch it? Why? It's not gonna go anywhere."

Ludwig was silent. After a while, he sighed. "I'm so glad I planned ahead and bought a cake." Feliciano "hmph"ed and pushed Ludwig playfully. Ludwig pushed back, and eventually they ended up on the sofa. Just as they were about to kiss, they heard the front door open.

"Mama? Papa?" It was Kairi.

"In the living room, sweetie!" The men quickly separated as their daughter came into the room. She stood in front of them and scratched the back of her head, tousling her back length hair.

"Um...I wanna say something, okay?" She turned to Ludwig. "Um...I-ich...liebe dich...a-auch...so v-viel..." The girl said, struggling to recall the words her uncles had taught her. She turned to Feliciano. "And...Um...V-vi ringrazio...per a-amarmi."

The two men stared at the girl in shock, jaws dropped and eyes wide. They looked at Kairi, to each other, then back to Kairi. They grabbed her and pulled her between them, sandwiching her in a tight hug.

"We love you, too, Kairi." They said. Kairi just smiled softly. They stayed like that until they heard the shuttering of a camera lens.

"Such an adorable family moment should be documented, da?" They looked in the voice's direction, and there stood a smiling Russia, holding a camera in hand.

"Uncle Ivan!" Kairi jumped off the sofa and ran to the tall man, who moved to pick her up. She hugged him around the neck. "Guess what, guess what! I spoke German, _and _Italian! Uncle Gilbert and Uncle Romano taught me how to say some stuff!" On the sofa, Feliciano and Ludwig shared looks that said "of course it was them".

Ivan chuckled. "Oh did you? Are you interested in learning languages?"

Kairi nodded eagerly. "Yeah! I wanna learn them all! So then I'll be p-p-po-pol-poly..."

"Polylingual," Ivan offered.

"Yeah, that!" Kairi giggled. "So if you're here, where's Uncle Matthew?"

"He's outside, putting your present on the table." The tallest blonde answered. He put the girl down. "And don't forget, there's one other person who wants to see you. And she's waiting for you right outside..."

"SASHA!" Kairi ran out the door quicker than Russia's eyes could follow her. He chuckled and moved to the window, Feliciano and Germany doing the same. They watched as Kairi ran up behind a blonde girl with violet eyes and pounced on her without warning, knocking them both to the ground. The girls broke out laughing, helped each other up, and wandered off hand in hand.

Feliciano smiled. "Awww~! How old is Sasha now?"

"Four. Her birthday is in two months." Ivan answered.

Ludwig chuckled. "She's so tall. Like father, like daughter."

Ivan nodded. "Da, very tall for her age." He turned away from the sight of the two girls playing tag to look at the other two men. "Perhaps you should come outside. I don't think Kairi would be happy if you stayed inside the entire party." This time, his eyes focused on Feliciano specifically. "Besides, wouldn't you like to make your announcement?"

The lovers looked at each other and smiled. "I guess now is as good a time as any." The three men walked outside again. Feliciano grabbed the microphone that was lying on one of the tables and flipped it on.

"Hello? Is this thing working?" Ivan and Ludwig, who were standing closest to him, winced and covered their ears. Feliciano grinned sheepishly and turned down the volume. He cleared his throat. "Attention, everyone~!" Every nation turned to look at the copper haired man, and Feliciano gulped thickly. "Um...there's something I wanna say...But I dunno how to say it...so I'll have Kairi say it for me~!" Kairi raised an eyebrow and stood beside her mother. Feliciano handed her the microphone and whispered something in her ear.

Her eyes widened. "Really?" Feliciano nodded, and she grinned widely. "Guys, I'm gonna have a little brother!"

Silence followed.

And then, several excited yells and a loud round of applause filled the yard.

"When did you find out?" France asked.

"Um...about a month ago. So I'm three months along now!" Feliciano replied happily.

"Did you get an ultrasound?" Now it was Spain asking.

Ludwig nodded. "About two weeks ago, we went with Ivan to see Yao, and he confirmed the pregnancy and that we were having a boy."

Ivan watched from afar as Feliciano and Ludwig were hugged, kissed, congratulated, chased (in Romano's case), given advice for dealing with more than one child, and more. He grinned to himself.

_"Ah, Ivan. Where are Ludwig and Feliciano?" China asked._

_"Feliciano said he was tired, so Ludwig took him home." The blonde replied._

_"I see..." The Chinese man flipped through a file that was under his arm. "You are Kairi's godfather, correct?"_

_"Yes I am."_

_"So I assume you'll be the godfather of Feliciano's son as well?"_

_"Most likely."_

_"Well...Something showed up on Feliciano's ultrasound. Come take a look."_

If Feliciano being pregnant with Kairi had caused havoc, what would happen when Feliciano found out he was actually having twins?

.o.O.o.

A/N- Alrighty! I know I said that the last chapter would be the last one, but I got a pretty big demand for an epilogue or a sequel. And since I can't write a sequel at the moment, an epilogue it is! This is Kairi's fifth birthday party, if I haven't made that clear enough.

Oh, here are the translations. Nipote = "niece" in Italian. Ich liebe dich auch so viel = "I love you both so much" in German. Vi ringrazio per amarmi = "thank you for loving me" in Italian.

Okay, one more thing. Normally I'm against mushy sentimentality, but for now, I'll make an exception. This was my very first fanfiction ever. I'm very emotionally attached to it. I posted it on March 4th, hence why i made it Kairi's birthday, of 2010. So it's been nearly a full year since I posted this. It has nearly 20,000 views, more views than all of my other stories put together. It has 38 comments, 47 favorites, and 37 alerts. It is by far my most popular story. And I just want to thank all of my readers for making it so popular. A writer is nothing without her readers, and I can't thank you all enough. I appreciate all of you for your support of this story, and even my other ones. Okay, sentimentality time done.

Please review, for this really is the end of this story. Yeah, I know, I'm sad about it, too. T.T


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